ldmikemctouring

From El Paso to Yuma, AZ, I got pretty well toasted - 106* for about 4 hours. To amuse myself in this self imposed turture, for some reason I decided upon a recipe for toasting an LD Rider and spent most of the time going across this blistering hot stretch of land thinking of variations on this theme. See below for recipe.

At one stretch of this road in the middle of nowhere I come across this scene which makes me laugh even now. Here we are in the middle of absolutely nothing, 30 miles west of Gila Bend and 60 miles from anything in front of us. A car is in the right lane doing let's say 75. There are two cars in the left lane passing him; the front car in the left lane is doing all of 76 mph, passing the car on the right, but barely. There is another car behind him, on his bumper, waiting to pass as well. I'm approaching this entourage at 85+ and saying WTF????, thinking "There's not a cop or a town or a city or ANYTHING for 30 miles around - Pass!!!" After a mile of this song and dance, car #1 in the left lane finally makes a "Correct" pass and moves over to the right and shortly thereafter, care #2 in the left lane passes car # 1 and moves into the right lane. I've been cooling my heels for about 3 miles now and blast by both of them, giving them the finger as I pass. Back up to 85+ and finally somewhat cool again, both in body temperature and anger level

Anyway, please read the attachment belowbecause that is what I wrote instead of a ride report last night. I'll follow up with a more complete report later, but right now, I'm toast.

Later,

Mike

Recipe for Toasted LD Rider

Introduction
This is a hopeful submission to the selection committee for the next edition of the famous RallyBastards Cookbook - Recipes from the Road. It was conceived on a recent (like today) ride across one of the more well known convection ovens in the USA - Tucson to Yuma, AZ. There are other well known convection ovens in the Southwest, most notably those used by Chef Steve Chambers in Utah and several specific routes by RallyBastards in Texas.

Please note: this recipe is for use in a "dry heat" convection oven only. NO claims are made for those other convection ovens in Georgia, Florida, Louisiana or any other states in the Deep South who use a "wet heat" method. Personally, we feel that there is little difference between Dry and Wet Heat, but since we have not verified this recipe in the "wet heat " convection ovens, it should not be used.

Toasted LD Rider

Ingredients:
1 average size LD Rider
Marinade:
Rotella T
75W-90, your choice of brands
dollop of brake fluid (DOT only) - optional
Garnish
good, high quality leather cut into strips
sprigs of Gore-Tex

Cooking instructions

There are several variations of this recipe for the enterprising chef and we will attempt to explain some of them as we go along.

First, choice of LD rider. There are two types of LD Rider to choose from. The first is the "Pseudo" LD Rider, usually riding a metric cruiser or the real "Milwaukee Iron" models. They generally appear underdressed in "Do Rags":, sleeveless T-shirts, jeans and geniune HD boots. We have found these specimens unacceptable because they tend to become toast too soon, either from their minimalist outfits or the mistaken belief that beer not only quenches your thirst but also hydrates to body - after all, beer IS 80% water, isn't it?

Second - and preferred - specimen choice is the full dressed LD rider. We prefer the IBA brand because they generally present fully dressed from top to bottom - boots, riding suit, helmet and gloves. If you have a choice of IBA brand riders, choose the one with the higher serial number, because they are younger and will be more tender. As of this writing, we would suggest serial numbers above 20,000.

We tested the convection oven from Dallas-Ft Worth to Yuma, AZ and found "hot spots" in the oven. The section between the junction of I-10 and I-8 to Yuma was definitely that hottest and we based our recipe on that part of the oven. In preparing the specimen, be aware of small detials which make a large difference in the crust: if you like a lighter, crispy crust, have the LD rider wear a light colored jacket and silver or white helmet. If you prefer and darker, even more crispy crust, have the specimen wear a black jacket and black hemet. Even though these seem to be trivial details, there is a difference and it will be seen n the final result

Choose the timing of the toasting for the very hottest time of the year - usually from late May to mid- September for this particular oven.

By the same token, choose the daily time of the toasting carefully as well. You want the rider in the middle of the oven at the hottest part of the day - generally from 3 PM to 7-8PM works well. In a practical sense, the run from El Paso to Yuma works well because you have plenty of time to adjust the variables for a specimen done to your liking, The distance is some 540 miles and at BBG speeds, that's about 9 hours in the oven - almost enough to cook any LD Rider to perfection.

Tip #1: Attach a GPS transmitter to the LD Rider - when he goes down, you need to find him fast, or he get over cooked and be worthless. We found that having a helicopter on hand produced the best results.

Tip #2: Have the LD Rider do some simple exercises in "full kit" (as the Brits say) - 10 jumping jacks at Gila Bend at 1800, for example, produces excellent "self-basting"

If you want a really well done Toasted LD Rider, have him ride around either end of the convection over for about 6-10 hours ,give him some rest to allow the juices to settle and run him thru the convection again the very next day, same conditions. For even crispier resuls, limit water to 2 liters per day.

When your Toasted LD Rider is done to your liking, marinade with a 50-50 mixture of Rotella T and 75W-90. For a bit spicier marinade, add a small amount of brake fliud.

Garnish with strips of leather and sprigs of Gore-Tex.

Enjoy!